Sometimes, at work, I wonder if I am the only person with basic common sense. I really can't tell sometimes weather it is abject stupidity or just plain laziness, or perhaps some kind of beautiful combination of both. A few weeks ago I came in only to hear the cook who was on the line tell me that we are out of bacon. Not out really, but all of it is frozen solid in the freezer. No one bothered to take any out of the freezer into the walk-in. Because we don't use bacon for fucking everything right? And I understand that I am one of the people working there as well and have some responsibility for that but I have a lot to do as well. They write down items on the prep list but it is all things we don't need or are already done. Sometimes they make things in the morning, dishes, maybe specials and don't even tell us what it is for. These things frustrate me intensely, and sometimes I express myself quite vocally. I really don't want to get as mad as a sometimes do but I just feel this apathy among my colleagues that is really depressing.
A new dishwasher started today, he showed up a few minutes late so the dishes started adding up, which is another thing that nobody does bring in the bins when they are filled with cups and dishes. What the fuck? Why would you just leave that for the next shift? What the hell is wrong with you godamn people? Why would you do that? Sometimes when I have expressed this anger I've been accused of being angry all the time by my boss. I admit it is something I need to work on, and I have been trying. However I also just wonder why we can't just get a staff that will actually stock, clean and hell maybe some fucking cooks who will actually help with dishes from time to time. These fucking pricks, they are like the old time Fu-Manchu's in Imperial China can't possibly get their hands dirty. To me doing these things is just common courtesy to your fellow co-workers, I mean all of us are already in hell working in food service so why not help each other out? So maybe in the midst of all of our collective misery at least we can have some order. In some ways, mentally I think I have been struggling lately. Not really sure why but my latest theory is that it is loneliness. I have few companions in my daily life, few co-stars in the Sam show. It is mostly a one man show. I work late night hours and come home to silence. Sometimes on the weekends when I work the overnight on friday and saturday I won't interact with anyone all day on those days until I go to work. Maybe quick interactions, clerks at the supermarket but nothing substantial.
So I suppose I have been pondering how to remedy this situation, and in thinking about it have been feeling down. And money, always money, so elusive. Always hungry seldom have enough money to keep my fridge stocked until next payday, always feeling desperate. For a while, and I think this was more common when I was drinking I always had this ominous feeling that it might all come down. That I might not make enough, fall behind on my expenses, lose my flat and be reduced to ruin. I feel this less now, sometimes I'm amazed when I think that I managed to go to work those many times when I had consumed so much beer the night before. I was angry often then at work and I think that truth is I was angry at myself. For drinking so much in the first place, for being so overweight. I used to think that the reason I couldn't walk very fast was because my legs were somewhat short but now that I am in better physical condition I know the truth was that I was out of fucking shape. I just didn't want to see it, to admit it. Didn't want to give up those beers, but I did.
Maybe that's why I am depressed, I've finally managed to go for a long period without alcohol, something I have wanted to do for years, and I still feel this hollow feeling, empty. Such a long day today but I'm glad I got through it. I guess the good thing is I know I will be working alot of hours now that everyone is quitting, but also I am increasingly understanding why everyone is quitting. It could be because my boss did give me a raise when I asked for one, but I still want to stick this through a little longer. Right now my favorite shifts that I work are my overnights, because I work alone with just one server. There is not a lot of room in the diner and in my opinion the place just runs smoother with fewer people.
A new dishwasher started today, he showed up a few minutes late so the dishes started adding up, which is another thing that nobody does bring in the bins when they are filled with cups and dishes. What the fuck? Why would you just leave that for the next shift? What the hell is wrong with you godamn people? Why would you do that? Sometimes when I have expressed this anger I've been accused of being angry all the time by my boss. I admit it is something I need to work on, and I have been trying. However I also just wonder why we can't just get a staff that will actually stock, clean and hell maybe some fucking cooks who will actually help with dishes from time to time. These fucking pricks, they are like the old time Fu-Manchu's in Imperial China can't possibly get their hands dirty. To me doing these things is just common courtesy to your fellow co-workers, I mean all of us are already in hell working in food service so why not help each other out? So maybe in the midst of all of our collective misery at least we can have some order. In some ways, mentally I think I have been struggling lately. Not really sure why but my latest theory is that it is loneliness. I have few companions in my daily life, few co-stars in the Sam show. It is mostly a one man show. I work late night hours and come home to silence. Sometimes on the weekends when I work the overnight on friday and saturday I won't interact with anyone all day on those days until I go to work. Maybe quick interactions, clerks at the supermarket but nothing substantial.
So I suppose I have been pondering how to remedy this situation, and in thinking about it have been feeling down. And money, always money, so elusive. Always hungry seldom have enough money to keep my fridge stocked until next payday, always feeling desperate. For a while, and I think this was more common when I was drinking I always had this ominous feeling that it might all come down. That I might not make enough, fall behind on my expenses, lose my flat and be reduced to ruin. I feel this less now, sometimes I'm amazed when I think that I managed to go to work those many times when I had consumed so much beer the night before. I was angry often then at work and I think that truth is I was angry at myself. For drinking so much in the first place, for being so overweight. I used to think that the reason I couldn't walk very fast was because my legs were somewhat short but now that I am in better physical condition I know the truth was that I was out of fucking shape. I just didn't want to see it, to admit it. Didn't want to give up those beers, but I did.
Maybe that's why I am depressed, I've finally managed to go for a long period without alcohol, something I have wanted to do for years, and I still feel this hollow feeling, empty. Such a long day today but I'm glad I got through it. I guess the good thing is I know I will be working alot of hours now that everyone is quitting, but also I am increasingly understanding why everyone is quitting. It could be because my boss did give me a raise when I asked for one, but I still want to stick this through a little longer. Right now my favorite shifts that I work are my overnights, because I work alone with just one server. There is not a lot of room in the diner and in my opinion the place just runs smoother with fewer people.
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